I have had had a few occasions as my sons have gotten older to go into their rooms, sometimes to fight and yell, sometimes to hug and kiss, sometimes to help clean and organize. The times I spent on their rooms are always better when they are there with me. You see, there is nothing sadder than going into your child’s room when they are not there. In my case, with my oldest son- he is never coming back to his room. I had to go through all of his personal belongings. And I wept. I wept uncontrollably. I still weep when I think about it. There are still times, when I need to go through one of my surviving son’s room. He recently moved back in with me. Fresh from treatment, bright eyed again, and again I am hopeful. Certainly love will be enough- this time.
I am wrong, again. I can not save him from himself. I can not walk this path of recovery for him. I can not MAKE him sober. I am powerless... again. He called me the other day from a new treatment center. This time it is a surprise to me. He is admitted, and on a 30-day “black out” period. I will have no contact. His brothers are rightfully skeptical, my wife is new to this end of recovery. I am praying that what they told me in AlAnon, that God has no grandchildren, is true. I am working my own plan of recovery, I am staying in the moment. Working with God’s other children. And I plan to clean the room again, to go through personal belongings, personal triumphs, clothes, and personal life. This is going to be sad- the comfort I have is that he will return home. Although, at this particular moment I can not get past the lingering thought:
There is is nothing sadder than cleaning your child’s room...